Hi LJ!

 

Hi Candle maker/Bitcoin trader/CPA

Kumusta ka na?

Naaalala mo nung nakatira pa tayo sa Visayas Ave.? Sinusundo kita mula sa work mo sa Cubao or sa Centris tapos bababa tayo sa housing, aakyatin yung overpass tapos nilalakad natin half ng circle then buong Visayas kasama yung aso nagbabantay sa'tin hanggang sa makauwi tayo sa Cotabato St. Tibay natin no? Eh yung unang Frankies natin tapos sarap na sarap tayo kumain. Pucha ang basic natin nun no? hahaha. Tapos bago tayo matulog 'yung electric fan pinapatayo mo ulit ako para itutok sayo. Naiinis pa din ako sa'yo habang tinatype to. hahaha. Baby yung electric fan Di naka ano sakin. AAARGH!

Minsan I even sacrificed my breakfast and lunch just to afford ang midnight lunch natin na pasalubong ko sa'yo every night pag-uwi at pati pang-dates, kaya ang payat payat ko nun eh. Pero okay lang, anything for my home and happiness. Anything for you. How many times have I told you that I loved seeing you dance habang kumakain?

Ang simple natin nun noh? 'Yun lang naging problema natin.

Tapos nagpupuyat pa tayo, everytime we have our deep talks habang nakahiga sa kama parang di tayo nauubusan ng topic about why people are like this or the way things are. You were so articulate to conversate with. Smooth ng conversations natin. I can still remember you said na magiging 'cool parents' tayo ---too bad tumatahol lang naging anak natin. All he did was poop, sleep, and eat.

Then we had challenges, the passing of our Jes; my mom didn't like you for being a non-graduate but I defended you; I insisted you to have other hobbies other than Facebook and Netflix and you did; to pursue a passion and you did; 'yung sticker business mo! that was fun; struggles mo sa work and rants mo about kay Jeff at Julian I listened; you told me to man up and I did. We supported each other. We grew together. We stayed loyal to each other. You're my best companion. --- YOU AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD! Kinaya natin.

Look at us now! Living the life that we used to dream about. Dami na nating naipundar. Higher income pay na din. We got the jobs that we wanted. We used to dream of aircon (no more tutok tutok), we wished for comfortable lives and everyday fastfood. Remember mo nung pinapangarap natin tong travel-travel? Yung mga bagay na imposible satin noon kayang kaya na natin ngayon. We could even afford a house and a car if we wanted to. Daming dumagdag sa buhay natin Tapos tayo pa yung nawala haha kainis no?

Then came the pandemic. And we lost track of time. Sucks din di tayo makalabas. 

For my sake, gusto ko lang din mag sorry

Kung maibabalik ko lang ang time, I wish I didn't leave after our messy fight. I didn't answer back, I just accepted defeat.

Sorry, I also pushed you away when you pushed me away. I didn't want you to be involved in the mess that I am. Sorry that I let this happen to us.

Sorry di ko alam ang ginusto ko sa buhay, it took me a long time to recover. Sorry napaghintay kita. Sorry wrong timing din ang depression ko. Sorry I went cold on you na parang wala ka lang. But really, it was about everything in me and not just our relationship na wala akong gana. Believe me when I say it was not for lack of trying, but there are many things in life I only wish to control. Sorry, it took me a long time to figure things out. I thought I was smart. I wish I had accepted your offer to help me.

Sorry that I had you waiting. I wish I had told you na to have patience with me like what we used to do right?

Ngayon kung kailan ako recovered ulit, kung kailan ako may gana at alam ko na gusto ko sa buhay, dun pa tayo nawala.

'Di ko alam na cool-off lang pala kailangan natin at 'di breakup ---malay ko ba sa mga terms na 'yan english kasi.

I'm sorry baby di ko 'to kaya. I would be lying if I said na okay ako ngayon. Bumabalik sa'kin mga ginawa ko the past few months.

Sorry baby. Sana tayo na lang ulit. Should I call you Lyka o baby? --sorry instinct. Mali siguro na umasa ako na magkakabalikan tayo. shet naiiyak na naman ako. Sorry for making you cry din, I just knew you cried nung nasa Leyte ka. Sorry, truly I am.

Deep inside, and all this time, I didn't and don't want to let go of you, and even if I wanted to, I just can't. Tambay ka yata sa utak ko. I still think about you every day. Minsan iniisip ko din kung iniisip mo din ba ako haha. Even unconsciously. I see your face everywhere. Every time I eat alone I see you dancing beside me. I can still feel your arms wrapped around me bago matulog or baka multo 'to haha! I had plans for the two of us, learned how to drive a car after I left you in February so we could go on a road trip to travel from where to where. Hatid-sundo kita dito doon. I now know to make healthy sandwiches na parang gawa ng Subway na bibigay ko sana sa'yo every start ng shift mo. Prepped to be with you whole time. Fixed my finances. Healed my mind. Sorted my shit out. I was ready for the world again. I was ready for you and I was ready to settle down.

All said. I was told by our friend Alexa as you said na I can call or chat you whenever I feel down pero out of respect, I didn't. Pero kung kailangan mo ako, kung kailangan mo magpaayos ng laptop, o kausap tungkol bitcoin haha. my lines are open for you kung anumang bagay man yan.

PS. di ako nagtitinder, or tantan, I don't see myself going that route again. TBH, I still hate I did that nung 2020, I knew you would still contact me and I was right. (at dami na din ata frontrow ngayon). Not actively looking din since pogi naman ako. I'm taking life one day at a time. No more rush.

PPS. wag mo ipahiram mga damit ko pati yung tasa ko na galing sa Miniso ha. gagalet ako :<

Salamat for reading to the end.

PPPS. don't take this as my attempt to win you back (even though I really want to). I just wanted to speak what my mind says, things I haven't said to you and alam ko you have been waiting for me to say but I went quiet. You're a good girl.. I'm glad that I met you. Sana masarap ulam mo lagi ('yung sayo lang of course)

Ang Bilanggo sa rehas na gawa ng puso mo,

Jommel